Christams Mall Santa
by The 3 ladies
Summary: Relena makes the G-boys work at that Mall's 'Santa's Workshop'. R&R Sorry so late. I'm a slacker!


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LB: Jingle Howe! Jingle Howe! Howe is a butt munch! Jingle - -  
Eliz: You're a moron. Do you know that?  
LB: ^_^ Yep! My mommy tells me everyday! (AN: I'm not joking people. Please  
don't laugh at my pain.)  
Eliz: So, what the hell happened to our dating show fic?  
LB: I have moved away from that fic for a short while. I'm like the wind.  
You can't hold back my creativity. It has to move from town to town.  
Chilling the bones every man, woman, and child.  
Eliz: You're such a f**king moron. -_-;  
LB: Freeeee Biiird!!! *makes pathetic flapping motions with her arms*  
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Disclaimer: We don't own Gundam Wing because some huge, rich company owns  
it. We don't own Santa Clause because he doesn't exist. *Hears the cries of  
thousands of kids 10 and under. * o.0 NO! There is a Santa but we don't own  
him! This just in, I, Lady Blink, have decided to start owning Eliz and you  
can poke her for a quarter.  
Eliz: What Blink?! o.0 GET OFF ME!! *Smacks R.Kelly away. *  
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*The Gundam pilots are seating in the living room of their new safe house,  
listening to a phone on loudspeaker mode thingy. *  
Relena: Good morning plots. *Giggles. *  
G-Boys:............  
Relena: I said, good morning pilots.  
G-Boys:............  
Relena: *to someone in her office. * Jenny, did you get the Gundam pilot's  
safe house? You did? Then why aren't they talking?  
Quatre: *Holds up paper. * We can't let her go on forever can we? The  
longer we wait the longer her voice goes.  
Boys: o.0  
Duo: *sigh. * Shit. Peacecraft, we're here. Hurry up.  
Relena: Oh! You were there! Hehe. Heero, you are so silly sometimes.  
Heero: Hn.  
Relena: Anyways, we had some complaints about your last community service.  
Sorry guys, your services won't be needed as counselors for summer day  
camps.  
Trowa: *giggles at memories of making smores and tying little kids to the  
flag pole*  
Relena: Yeah, so now you get to do something we pick out!  
Duo: Oh shit.  
Relena: Since it's almost Christmas time, the Tacoma Mall is looking for a  
Santa Clause. I've volunteered you five as a Santa and his helpers! Heero  
and Trowa will be the elves that keep the kids in a straight, patient line.  
Duo and Quatre will be the elves that help the little boys and girls seat  
on Santa's lap and walk them back to their parents. And the 2003 Tacoma  
Mall Christmas Santa is...*pause* CHANG WUFEI! Your costumes should be in the  
mail right now! You start tomorrow. *Hangs up. *  
Wufei: DAMN IT ONNA!!!  
Duo: *Snorts* Ha. I'll take being a stupid elf any day over having kids  
wearing urine covered pants and sticky hands on me.  
Trowa: I believe Wufei will make a loving, and giving Santa.  
Quatre: *Starts to laugh and then stops quickly. * I'm sorry. I didn't mean  
too.  
Duo: Yeah, we'd never laugh at Santa.  
Wufei: Die!!!!!!!! *Pulls out Katana and starts swinging. *  
*The next day at the Tacoma Mall. Its 6:58 a.m and Heero, Quatre, Trowa,  
and Duo are seating around the Santa chair waiting for the mall to open.  
Wufei is still changing in the bathroom. *  
Duo: Man, I should have brought a camera!  
Trowa and Quatre: *each hold up a camera*  
Quatre: I wouldn't miss this for the world!  
Heero: Here comes Wufei.  
Wufei: *stomping towards them*  
Quatre: *starts clicking his camera*  
Wufei: There is no way I'm putting on this beard or letting the whole mall  
see me like this!  
Duo: Come on Wufei, do it for the little kids. *Puppy eyes*  
Wufei: There is no way in hell you could make me do this Maxwell.  
*Sound of gun being cocked*  
Heero: *points his gun in Wufei's face* If I have to dress like an elf then  
you have to dress like Santa. *Points to his shoes with bells on them*  
Trowa: I sorta like these shoes...  
Quatre: You're not supposed to have a gun in here! You'll frighten the  
children!!  
Heero: *death glare*  
Wufei: Fine I'll wear it. *Grumbles and puts on the fake beard*  
Quatre and Trowa: *take more pictures*  
Quatre: I'm going to put this on my holiday greeting card!  
Wufei: Winner!!! *Lunges at Quatre*  
Duo and Heero: *restrain a furious Wufei*  
Wufei: I swear Winner if that picture gets out your tea cup collection in  
going out the window...  
Quatre: You wouldn't dare...  
Duo: Uh..don't worry Wufei. Quatre won't. Will you Quatre?  
Quatre: No, no I won't.  
*Relena walks up to the G-Boys as Duo tries to calm a still fuming Wufei  
down*  
Relena: Hello pilots!  
G-Boys:....  
Relena: Now that you are all here we can get started. Wufei if you'll go  
and sit in Santa's chair.  
Wufei: *stalks off towards the chair muttering under his breath*  
Relena: And Duo and Quatre you go with him so you can help the little kids  
and hand out candy canes.  
Duo and Quatre: *walk over to the chair and pull out a big bag of candy  
canes*  
Duo: I am so handing these out! *Sticks one in his mouth*  
Quatre: Duo, those are for the kids!!  
Duo: So.  
Relena: Er.. Heero and Trowa you can wait over where the line will be.  
Heero: Hn...  
Relena: Right! Now we can open the mall and begin!!   
Heero: How long till our lunch break?  
Relena: Uhhh...*looks scared* I forgot to tell you that the Tacoma Mall gets  
very busy this time of year, so you won't get a lunch break. Bye!! *Runs  
like hell out of the mall. *  
Wufei: That fu**king onna! When do we leave? 12 o'clock or 2 o'clock,  
Quatre?  
Quatre: *looks at the 'Santa's Workshop' sign. * This says we work with no  
breaks from 7 am to 11:30 pm.  
Other pilots: o.0 Fourteen and half-hours?!!  
Quatre: And the day begins. We have a little girl running right for us.  
Trowa: Be prepared Wufei.  
Wufei: Shut it Elf. *Fixes his beard. * This thing itches. Don't say a word  
Maxwell. *Glares at the braided elf to his right. *  
Duo: *Hentai grin. * Hehe.  
Little Girl: Santa!!!!!!! Santa!!!!!! *Runs through the maze of rope  
leading to Santa's chair. *  
Wufei: *squints at 7 year old girl. * Barton, is that a wet stain on her  
pants?!  
Barton: *squints at girl who is still running through the ropes. *  
Hehe...yeah. A big ass stain too.  
*Wufei grabs a garbage bag from the trashcan and places it over his lap.  
The girl jumps into his lap. *  
Girl: Hi Santa. My name is Stacey and for Christmas I want an Army Barbie.  
*Big smile. *  
Wufei: *eye twitches at the thought of Barbie*  
Stacey: I've been a real good girl this year too Santa!  
Wufei: *forces a smile* That's ...good... *mutters* Damn that onna.  
Stacey: Thanks Santa! I love you!  
Duo: *snorts at the look of horror on Wufei's face* Look Wu-man she wuves  
you. To bad that she's the only girl you could get to ever like you.  
Wufei: *shoves Stacey out of his lap* Maxwell!!!! *Whips out his katana*  
Quatre: *ushers the little girl away* Wufei not in front of the kids!  
Stacey: Why is Santa doing that to his elf friend?  
*They watch as Wufei pins Duo to the floor and attempts to chop off his  
braid with his katana*  
Quatre: Umm...here have a candy cane! *Pushes her away*  
Duo: Noooo! Not that Wufei! I didn't mean it really!  
*Sound of gun being cocked*  
Quatre: No not you too Heero! Sorry folks but Santa needs to take a five-  
minute brake!  
Parent: But you just opened!  
*Screams from Duo are heard*  
Parent: Come on kids lets go look at...um... the toy store!  
*After every one was calmed down under the careful eye of Quatre, and not  
to mention the gun of Heero, they opened 'Santa's workshop' again. Duo is  
missing half his bangs while Wufei smirks clutching strands of brown hair*  
Little kid in line: When are we going to see Santa!? I wanna see him now!  
Heero: Be quiet.  
Little kid: No, I wanna see Santa!  
Heero: Be quiet. NOW. *Glares at the little kid*  
Little kid: No.  
Heero: Yes. *Death glare*  
Trowa: Next. *Bends down to pick up a little boy*  
Little boy: *starts to cry* Ouch you poked my eye!  
Trowa:...  
Little boy: Your stupid hair!  
Little boy's mother: Jimmy! Jimmy are you alright!? *Cuddles her son* And  
you! *Glares at Trowa* Your hair is a health hazard! I'm going to report  
this! *Stomps off with her kid*  
Trowa: That's the third time today. *Puts his bangs in a ponytail on top of  
his head* There! *Giggles to himself*  
Heero: Yes.  
Little kid: NO!  
Heero: *pulls out his gun and points it at the kid*  
Little kid: Eep!  
*Back with Wufei*  
Wufei: Winner another plastic bag!  
Duo: Was that last one real wet?  
Wufei: *glares*  
Duo: *hands the boy that just got off Wufei's lap three candy canes* Good  
job kid.  
*Trowa leads the next boy up to Wufei and puts him in his lap*  
Boy: H-hi Santa. I-I-I'm D-David. And I-I-I w-w-want a G-G-G.I. Jo for Chri-  
i-stmas.  
Wufei: *vein pops out of neck* Have you been a good kid this year?  
David: W-W-Well I th-th-think so...  
Wufei: JUST SPIT IT OUT KID!!!  
David: *jumps off Wufei's lap and runs away*  
Quatre: Great job...  
Duo: *starts to laugh and chokes on his candy cane*  
*A middle age woman walks up to Wufei and sits on his lap*  
Woman: Hey Santa.  
Wufei: *eye twitches*  
Woman: *in a seductive voice* I've been a very bad girl this year...  
Wufei: *clutches his nose* Get off...  
Woman: But Santa I want you for Christmas.  
Wufei: *has a major nosebleed and pushes her off him running for the  
bathroom*  
  
Duo: Sooo...*swaggers up to her* Have you ever made it with an elf? *sly  
grin*  
Quatre: *shoves Duo away from the woman* Sorry ma'am.  
Woman: *huffs and walks away*  
Relena: *Walks up* So pilots how's everything here? And where's Wufei?  
Quatre: Umm... he's...  
Trowa: *giggles*  
Wufei: *walks back with toilet paper shoved up his nose* Shut up Maxwell.  
And you too Barton.  
Duo: What ever do you mean?  
Trowa: *giggles again*  
Relena: We have had 67 complaints so far but that's not much as we thought  
we would have! Good job! Next year you guys could do this again for  
service. *Glances over to see Heero cocking his gun. * Keep up the good  
work! Bye! *Runs into the crowd. *  
Wufei: I can't do this another year.  
Duo: *grin *Too weak? * Has a Christmas bulb flung at his head. * Ouch!  
Trowa: We have a chubby little girl walking up.  
Little girl: Can I talk to Santa, please mister?  
Heero: No dip shit. Just stare at him and the four elfs. *Girl blinks in  
confusion. * Move your ass!  
Quatre: *muttering to himself* Why am I with these people? They never  
learn!!  
*Little girl runs up and dives into Wufei's lap. *  
Wufei: *pained look. * Ho Ho Ho Ho! What do you want for Christmas?  
Little girl: My name is Susanna. And I live on Maple Drive in the blue  
house!  
Wufei: Listen kid, you're breaking my f**king legs. Hurry up.  
Susanna: *hurt look. * I want a pony.  
Wufei: *snorts. * You're not getting a pony. That's animal cruelty to have  
you riding it. How about a pass to Weight Watchers or a Bow flex? That's  
it. Merry Christmas!  
Quatre: Here. *Hands Susanna 6 candy canes as she leaves. * That might take  
off a year of therapy.  
Wufei: Like she really needs that! *Susanna runs off crying. *  
Duo: Congratulations! You're the worst mall Santa ever, Wufei!  
Wufei: *Rips off beard. * Lets go get some Burger King and a Jamba Juice.  
Quatre: What about Relena? What happens to the children who will have no  
mall Santa to turn to with their winter season wishes?  
Heero: *grabs a Claire's sales person. * This job also requires no  
brainpower. Good luck!  
*Pilots run off before the sales person can refuse. *  
Sales Person: ...the hell?!  
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Eliz: We had this fic more than half way done on the 22nd of December but  
someone was a slacker! *Glares at Lady Blink. *  
LB: What?! What's that look? I have done nothing.  
Eliz: Exactly. Its now towards the end of March and Blink has just now  
finished up the story. Hope you enjoyed the fic. Please review. *Punches LB  
in the head. * You dumb ass. -_-;  
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End file.
